david1111 Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 (edited) So I'm sure we've all got one. Are you willing to share? Mine happened many many years ago in my youth when god was a lad. David bumps into girl in noisy club. You know what it's like, you can't hear a word anyone says and literally have to put you mouth right round her earhole to attempt to communicate. Anyway she said something to me and I said well I'm not sure really, but I'll try anything once. She said, oh so you don't like swimming, I said oh shit sorry I thought you said rimming. Never saw her again Edited November 30, 2021 by david1111 1 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy_tgc Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 Haha i think the most embarrassing thing i've done is wet the bed about 2 years ago when i was sharing it with 4 of my friends after a night on the town. I tried to blame them for it but they wern't having it. But that's what happens when i drink more than 2 pints instead of vodka, i end up peeing like a camel. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blacko Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 33 minutes ago, lucy_tgc said: Haha i think the most embarrassing thing i've done is wet the bed about 2 years ago when i was sharing it with 4 of my friends after a night on the town. I tried to blame them for it but they wern't having it. But that's what happens when i drink more than 2 pints instead of vodka, i end up peeing like a camel. At least you never shit the bed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blacko Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 My Gran used to work in a Laundrette in the 1950s, every week this guy would send his shirts in to be cleaned with a note tied to the collar reading "more starch here please", the problem was is that the guy had trouble wiping his arse and it usually resulted in the bottom of the shirts being covered in shite. Next time his shirts came in my Gran sent the laundered shirts to him with a note on the bottom of the shirt reading "more toilet paper here please" 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philinvicta Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 7 hours ago, Blacko said: At least you never shit the bed. I knew a bloke once who pulled and went back to her place and did the business. During the night he woke up busting for a crap but he could not find the toilet as he did not know his way around the apartment having never been there before. He ended up crapping on her kitchen floor ( he had been drinking guinness so it was not at all pleasant) Amazingly he got a second date ! 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philinvicta Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 (edited) This is one I was told many years ago as well. A friends work colleague took his girlfriend round to meet his parents for the first time and she asked to use the bathroom because she wanted a pee. The mother guided her to the bathroom and left her there she went in and to her horror found just a bath and sink in there. She was too embarrassed to go back in and say no she meant she need a toilet so in desperation she decided to use the sink. She put her foot on the bath for support and started to pee in the sink only her foot slipped and she fell knocking herself unconscious and was found later by the mother with her knickers round her ankles and never lived it down! Edited November 30, 2021 by philinvicta 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy_tgc Posted December 1, 2021 Share Posted December 1, 2021 19 hours ago, Blacko said: At least you never shit the bed. It's on me bucket list 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tricky0212 Posted December 2, 2021 Share Posted December 2, 2021 Years ago at uni I had some real bad stomach pains so went to the uni doctors. To my (pleasant) surprise the doctor turned out to be a very good looking woman about 35 and called out my name (I was about 20 at the time). After explaining my pain, she pressed on various parts of my stomach for a while asking if it her hurt etc. She then said she needed to check my bottom and asked me to get into a very vulnerable foetus position on the bench thingy. She explained it would be cold and slipped a lubed finger in to have a good feel but shortly after declared it all seemed fine and I could get up and pull my trousers back up. The problem that arose is this had aroused me greatly and there was no way these trousers were getting back up so shamefully and awkwardly I shuffled further round on my side to try and get up facing away from her and then used My jeans and belt to force and hold the said problem upward allowing me to fasten the trousers. Thinking I’d dealt with this well I stood up only to notice my t-shirt had somehow been tucked behind penis leaving half of my nob just randomly poking out the top of my jeans in full view which she of course saw (but remained silent and emotionless as I fixed it). lucikly there was no serious problem detected because if there was I’d rather have died than have had to go back 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blacko Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 44 minutes ago, Tricky0212 said: Years ago at uni I had some real bad stomach pains so went to the uni doctors. To my (pleasant) surprise the doctor turned out to be a very good looking woman about 35 and called out my name (I was about 20 at the time). After explaining my pain, she pressed on various parts of my stomach for a while asking if it her hurt etc. She then said she needed to check my bottom and asked me to get into a very vulnerable foetus position on the bench thingy. She explained it would be cold and slipped a lubed finger in to have a good feel but shortly after declared it all seemed fine and I could get up and pull my trousers back up. The problem that arose is this had aroused me greatly and there was no way these trousers were getting back up so shamefully and awkwardly I shuffled further round on my side to try and get up facing away from her and then used My jeans and belt to force and hold the said problem upward allowing me to fasten the trousers. Thinking I’d dealt with this well I stood up only to notice my t-shirt had somehow been tucked behind penis leaving half of my nob just randomly poking out the top of my jeans in full view which she of course saw (but remained silent and emotionless as I fixed it). lucikly there was no serious problem detected because if there was I’d rather have died than have had to go back No shame in that hardman , they say a blokes G spot is up round about there somewhere and only the Gay fellas experience it. I had the same experience, young Blonde attractive Doctor in her 30s told me to lie across the table and done the ole finger test up my arsehole, I didn't get an erection as the thought of this young pretty woman having to look at my hairy Gorilla arse sent me into a state of shock.. on top of that my mobile phone slipped out my pocket and landed on the floor, the quack only picked it up with the same hand that had seconds before been inserted in Blacko's shit pipe.. I forgot all about that till you had to bring up the subject @Tricky0212 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy_tgc Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 @Tricky0212@Blackothe question i want to know is have you had a finger in the bum bum since? @RichieFCloves it 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blacko Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 1 hour ago, lucy_tgc said: @Tricky0212@Blackothe question i want to know is have you had a finger in the bum bum since? @RichieFCloves it No fucking chance! I had a worse experience when I was circumcised at 30, they knock you out for the operation.. when I woke up afterwards all I could think of is these people staring at my cock whilst I was knocked out cold. Afterwards they basically wrap your knob in cotton wool and tape it to the inside of the leg, nasty stuff. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VillaLad Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 10 hours ago, Blacko said: No shame in that hardman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philinvicta Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 6 hours ago, Blacko said: No fucking chance! I had a worse experience when I was circumcised at 30, they knock you out for the operation.. when I woke up afterwards all I could think of is these people staring at my cock whilst I was knocked out cold. Afterwards they basically wrap your knob in cotton wool and tape it to the inside of the leg, nasty stuff. Maybe one of these for Christmas would keep you knob warm 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blacko Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 33 minutes ago, philinvicta said: Maybe one of these for Christmas would keep you knob warm It was no picnic hardman.. only time in my life I didn’t want an erection, had to take my Kelly Brook calendar off the wall for a couple of Month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kev40 Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 TMI on this thread in my opinion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philinvicta Posted December 3, 2021 Share Posted December 3, 2021 27 minutes ago, Blacko said: It was no picnic hardman.. only time in my life I didn’t want an erection, had to take my Kelly Brook calendar off the wall for a couple of Month. I have had it done myself but I had those plastic stitches which you have to wait to dissolve. As you say it could be painful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangers Posted December 4, 2021 Share Posted December 4, 2021 On 30/11/2021 at 12:11, lucy_tgc said: Haha i think the most embarrassing thing i've done is wet the bed about 2 years ago when i was sharing it with 4 of my friends after a night on the town. I tried to blame them for it but they wern't having it. But that's what happens when i drink more than 2 pints instead of vodka, i end up peeing like a camel. Feck sharing a bed with you What end you sleeping ? The shallow end 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangers Posted December 4, 2021 Share Posted December 4, 2021 This is 100% true 4 of my mates are all brothers and one of them used to play for a well known Scottish football team, great funny guy but was a little short on common sense at times, anyway I used to work with one of his brothers and one day after work I was after a loan of some power tools so we drove to his mums house as the tools were in the garage, as we walked in the rear door of the house his brother was right behind the door and was ironing a shirt, we could hardly get in the door because of the location of the ironing board, we managed just to get in and as we were standing in the kitchen we both couldn't help but notice the ironing board was about 3 inches off the floor with my mates brother kneeling down ironing away at this shirt. We were both standing pissing ourselves and my says in typical Scottish banter .......................WIT THE FUCK ARE YOU DAIN ? - what are you doing ''for the English on here'' He looks up and says mega cheekily ................WIT DOES IT LOOK LIKE Am DAIN ? Ironing a shirt! And WTF are you doing down there on the floor ? He looks up and says..............Well Mum says keep the Iron down low or you'll burn it 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.