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Guest andywilliams1187

There is no shame in asking for help.

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Guest andywilliams1187

In my line of work, I often deal with quite a lot of incidents that people do not actually know are happening on a daily basis. I work in high level incident management for a leading property management company, my role includes everything from minor every day incidents (assualt, ASB etc.) all the way up to rape, armed robbery and unfortunatley suicides. Normally it doesnt bother me and i distance myself from it all - it's how i process it. But today is different. 

This year ive dealt with 6 confirmed suicides already. The latest one was this evening. A young 18 year old lad with his whole life ahead of him jumped from a car park. Why? because he was going through a shit time and was in a shit load of debt from gambling. He felt he did not have a way out or anyone he could speak to. He was embarassed to go and tell his parents. He left a note and off he went. 

I know a few people on here struggle with the addiction from gambling (I still do, I think it's under control but every now and again it gets me). If you are struggling, there is absolutley no shame in reaching out to someone. People will listen and help. I consider myself lucky, ive met two people (ironically through gambling forums) @Blacko and @Kev40 who i know i can pick the phone up to at anytime if im in the shit or just want a rant. 

If you are struggling, there is a community here who can help. If you don't want to put it as a post, you can reach out to people in PM. If they cant help, they can point you in the right direction. 

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I feel for you @andywilliams1187 your only doing your job and have to endure stuff like this, nobody gives a shit about the people who have to deal with the aftermath of such events when it must have an impact, at the end of the day your only human and I hope your ok.

Regarding the people on here I can honestly say what a great bunch they are when it comes to things like needing a chat etc and they all came to my aide a few years ago. So I second what you say don’t be ashamed to reach out if you need to get anything off your chest or need help in any other way.

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I would say the single biggest contributing factor to not dealing with my own problem gambling was not being open with those near to me in real life.

This forum is a good outlet and provides advice / support from people who have lived through the same things but at the same time I'd caution against it being the only outlet. I lived out my problems here a long time before I did in real life.

But definitely yes do speak out - single best think I did without doubt.

Regards

 

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People are important . The TGC forum provides a sure and present platform to air grievances, complaints, and personal problems without fear of attack or criticism. We strive to assist those who have extreme problems in all areas of the gambling spectrum , and we do so as equals. with vast experience of loss, grief, anger, abuse, misrepresentation , lies, and many of lifes' most unpleasant experiences.....homelessness, suicide, crime, and depravation.... so let it continue and find laughter from misery and share the joys of life.

Together.

Edited by Solario333
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Always hard to read something like that. Such a waste of a young life when help is genuinely out there.

Gambling is a secretive addiction and by many is still frowned upon and certainly not understood.

The embarrassment and shame of what you have done can be so huge that you feel you cannot reach out which is sadly what has happened here.

Hopefully as awareness grows these kind of tragic suicides will recind 

 

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The problem with gambling addiction unlike say drugs is an awful lot of non gamblers do not understand it. They appreciate how people can get addicted to drugs but don't understand the addiction with gambling. A lot of us know that and it makes it harder for the topic to be brought up. It results in a lot of internalisation and anguish we deal with on our own, I'm sure we've all been there. It destroys mental health and sadly people do tragic things.

We all got taught about drugs in school but not really about addiction. I think if we tackled gambling addiction early in schools it would lead to a much better situation. 

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4 hours ago, bigbucks1983 said:

The problem with gambling addiction unlike say drugs is an awful lot of non gamblers do not understand it. They appreciate how people can get addicted to drugs but don't understand the addiction with gambling. A lot of us know that and it makes it harder for the topic to be brought up. It results in a lot of internalisation and anguish we deal with on our own, I'm sure we've all been there. It destroys mental health and sadly people do tragic things.

We all got taught about drugs in school but not really about addiction. I think if we tackled gambling addiction early in schools it would lead to a much better situation. 

Especially since gambling addiction usually stems from other (usually undiagnosed) mental health issues. Similar with alcoholism and drug abuse. 

Also it's a class thing, us working class lads are just trying to find any way of getting ahead(or just equal) in life.

And overexposure, until it gets addressed or maybe even banned (football sponsors/tv advertising etc) I think it's only gonna bget worse, with phones at everybody's fingertips.

Edited by Quicksave1
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As someone recently discharged from a therapist, I can whole heartedly agree with the sentiments in the posts above but I can tell you first hand how embarassing it is to ask for help. It took me a long long time despite people commenting on "youre not the same" and "maybe you should talk to someone". It's always easier to say i'm ok when the star reality is, you're probably not. I had the thoughts that people had regards suicide and only the fact my daughter came and snuggled in bed with me one morning and told me how much she loved me, kept me from doing anything about it. It's all too easy to shut down and think you dont want to trouble anyone with your problems because they have enough of their own. Its all too easy to think i'll keep it in for a bit and maybe it'll go away. I can assure you that you're kidding yourself.

 

Walking into counselling that first day was probably one of the worst days of life as I thought i had let so many people down and considering myself to be broken and thinking nobody gave a fuck. It couldn't be further from the truth. Walking out of there the first time was something else. I wasn't cured, i wasn't unbroken but what I was..was discussing it with someone who explained to me that i'm not a scumbag, i'm not letting anyone down and people love me. 

 

Mine wasn't down to gambling in any way shape or form, mine was other stuff and it took 2 year for her to say she's happy for me to move on and start rebuilding my life and when I got home that final time, my wife was still there, my daughter was still there, you lot were, my friends were. Everyone you know and love are still there and they're always going to be helpful. One thing I learnt is tht if they're not going to help you, sack them off and get that bullshit out of your life. I'd do anything for anyone of my friends and for most on here, stranded somewhere, reach out and i'll come get you, even if it takes 4 hours to drive there...i'm straight in the car....need a few quid, if i have it...it's yours, pay me back whenever.

 

It took me to go to the edge and look over it to realise what it's important in my life, not grow the fuck up, step away from the edge and ask for help...you know you want it and there are people out there who want to give it. Please, take it from someone who knows, it helps.

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@Douvan Great Post !!! People are always the centre of your life .... perfect .

All is Love

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16 hours ago, Quicksave1 said:

Especially since gambling addiction usually stems from other (usually undiagnosed) mental health issues. Similar with alcoholism and drug abuse. 

Also it's a class thing, us working class lads are just trying to find any way of getting ahead(or just equal) in life.

And overexposure, until it gets addressed or maybe even banned (football sponsors/tv advertising etc) I think it's only gonna bget worse, with phones at everybody's fingertips.

Successive governments have bowed to pressure from the gambling lobby to gloss over the harm that gambling does to society.  It is equal or marginally greater than alcohol. Of course the huge taxes which flow into the treasury from the bookmakers indicate that ,as usual , we the punters will be fleeced ,unless we actually stop gambling. Smartphones and social media only increase the saturation of vested interest , with offers daily coming into our mailboxes.  

 The UKGC has been effective in certain areas, by introducing curbs and checks to online gambling, but only because they want us to spend the cash on terra firma, in the shops , so that they get the tax .... The UKGC has made a huge mistake in allowing casinos to probe  our private banking details to satisfy source of wealth. Ultimately we don't want anyone poking their noses in our private affairs, and will walk away entirely from the online casinos, and perhaps that was the intention all along.... Alcoholics and drug addicts don't have their bank accounts searched for proof of income. its absolutely disgraceful .  it's discrimination of the worst kind.  The nanny state is out of control.

I will always enjoy a punt on the horses, and so will continue to do my lucky 15s and 31s and look forward to a super cheltenham unless of course new restrictions prevent me .  As a pensioner I see no increase in funding but huge increase in costs ; I am lucky because I have sufficient to live on , but many are having real issues. 

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