A Year on GamStop: My Story

[RichXTuta]

Hi all,

 

Just before we start, I am posting this in an identical way on both CasinoGrounds and The Gambling Community and happy to reply to anyone on both.

 

In writing this, I wanted to take the opportunity to share my gambling story – primarily around my experience of using GamStop from June 2019, and what I found myself doing during this year long ban – something I’ve mentioned on a fair few streams, and just to weigh in with some of my thoughts surrounding it.

Just to provide some background, as it stands as of today, and perhaps the strangest thing is I am actually at a lifetime profit, but my gambling has risen in terms of deposits and stakes over a very long period of time, from being afraid to use my own card to get an entirely risk free £25, to staking thousands per blackjack hand, on a bet or wagering thousands through the slots, this is built up over the course of many years, something which was largely dormant for a long time I gambled. For the first 5 or so years I gambled I had only chased once in my life.

Thankfully, there are some paths I never ended up crossing, I never spent more money than I could afford to lose, although I did come close, and I never ended up in debt to anyone or any business because of my gambling, and I do feel that in that sense, there are hard limits in my mind to which I would not cross, the rest of all the money I have – that’s a different story.

Following a simply miraculous recovery playing Blackjack one night which put me into about a lifetime profit of about 11k (bearing in mind, most of my heavy gambling escalated over the course of about 6-12 months), I made the decision to put myself on GamStop for a year on the 11^th of June 2019, one big swoop to tackle the rash nature of what I was doing, depositing up to 10k a week, spending money I had gained through my work/business in the course of around 5-10 minutes, having all the sinking feelings that many of us know too well when we’ve made a big mistake. So, it was a dramatic decision I took – knowing I would be really pissed off at myself as gambling was such a huge part of my life. As such, here is a timeline of my experiences of GamStop.

The night of my session I chew over my decision briefly, put the block on, and check after to see if it actually works – some casinos are immediate, sending me e-mails, some even to this day are sending me promotional e-mails despite not interacting with them for many months/years.

The first week is difficult, the compulsion to log-in and either look at my betting account or online casinos is strongly there, but I have no way of fulfilling this, this was very difficult for me, later in the week I convince a friend to come over and play on his account, we break even and consider it a lucky escape. Around this time, I find myself angry at myself for what I have done – no sense of the fact I have in many ways brought a huge gambling issue to a sudden stop (despite the attempt to gamble through my friends account), this is roughly the way I feel for the next few weeks.

In early August, me and my friend play again, this time winning big, and celebrate accordingly. This gives a false sense of success and we narrowly avoid losing, sometimes depositing 5 figures between us over the next few weeks and somehow getting away with it, reaching at a peak at the end of August. These sessions satisfying my gambling urges, despite making a mockery of why I self-excluded, I am only able to play when my friend wants to play, which is dramatically less often than I was playing previously (pretty much every single day).

Our sessions become fewer as we start to naturally return the money over September to the start of October, over a mixture of Casino sessions and betting. At some stages my friend is unwilling to place for me, so for the first time I start attending the local Coral, something I was very resistant to do initially, due to my own anxiety, but this becomes something I do from then on, mostly due to the losses, I lose contact with my friend for the next 3 months. This starts a period of time I am totally away from playing casino games, which despite the possibilities within Coral – I did not feel I would have any success on their games, and as such, I never play them despite some passing thoughts of doing so.

I have varying success over the next six months, going to Coral, placing bets, and for the first time, starting to take a more structured and controlled approach to my gambling, I start to place mental blocks of how much I am willing and able to spend and due to the human interaction, I do not find it possible to go in recklessly and continually deposit. I use this period of time cold-turkey from anything bar sports betting to take the first real break in aspects of my gambling after so many years.

Over this time I have one reoccurrence on a smaller scale of my past nature – but this is not at the same level of spend as before, as I find that my national lottery account is still active (as far as I am aware, this hole in Gamstop is now covered), I put a small amount of money into this before I self-exclude specifically from their site that evening, feeling very embarrassed after the experience, especially considering it was just to pass the time and not something I even particularly enjoyed, and would not have done if I did I have access to my normal online accounts.

After a period of getting back into the good books with my friend, in March this year, we have 3 further sessions of online play, 2 which break us even, and 1 which puts us in a loss, these sessions are different, and the urge to continually redeposit by both of us seems to have gone, and I can accept the loss. This was the last time I gambled and find myself somewhat at peace. This is a period of time, as we all know – that all sport more or less disappears in Mid-March, and for the first time I have a complete expanse of time where I do not gamble, I also find myself watching streams less and breaking away from my urges – which may be coincidentally but is a notable point still.

This brings us up to date to today, where I await the soon end of my ban – and the key things I ask myself regarding it:

·       Why did I go on GamStop?

·       Do I feel I can be responsible by ending my ban?

·       What have I learnt from my ban?

·       What are my limits, and what are my triggers?

·       When in a session, can I resist the urge to redeposit?

·       Do I accept that gambling is for fun and not a way of making money?

My intention as it stands, is to complete my Gamstop journey, being able to now answer these questions in a positive way.

What I want to share most crucially, despite the fact at times I made a mockery of my early decision to self-exclude, is that my journey has happened over the course of the year, it started in defiance, frustration, control and finally acceptance. To say I did not even get to the stage of changing my gambling habits months into my ban would be true, and only after a longer period of time where I was forced to change my ways, I began to change my attitude towards gambling, learning to understand where I stand in position to my gambling and what is for me, responsible gambling.

All in all, GamStop is a great tool for UK Gamblers, but it’s important to remember what a sweeping shock to the system it can be, if you’re struggling with your gambling, and you feel you can’t take it anymore – then I fully advise taking it, but realising it’s virtually an intervention, akin to an IVA/Bankruptcy would be, ergo the strongest action you can take. I’d recommend to UK players that just to start, that you take the 6 months to start with, and get used to the immediate shock to the system, and of course extend longer if you really feel you cannot go on. The most important thing to gain from it is the change of attitude towards dangerous gambling, which will take time and in my opinion is the real reason GamStop exists.

I would be interested in answering anyone’s questions and I am somewhat hesitant about posting this, as I know that there is a lot of story about how I spent ages trying to circumvent the restrictions I put in place for myself – but I wanted to be as honest with everyone as possible, to discuss my emotions and the journey I went through.

 

If you read it all – thanks very much,

Rich

[Antonin]

Being able to put GamStop in place shows that you have strength to say that's enough. 

Even though you've been gambling during this GamStop period, at the end, this has been benefical and that what matters most.

I'm glad that you are now in peace with it all. 

If you ever need support and stuff, you know there's always someone to talk to you on here. 

Thank you for sharing. Good luck!

--------

Ps: Is that a possibility that you renew your gamstop period ?

Edited June 10, 2020 by Antonin

[Jok3st3r]

Hi @RichXTuta

Thanks for sharing your story.

Reading your story makes me think you are probably not ready to remove your Gamstop ban. I say this because you have managed to satisfy you gambling urges with the help of your friend and the high street bookies so you haven't really put your willpower to the test. 

I do hope I'm wrong and you can answer your questions in a positive way and it works out for you.

Good luck moving forward and there are plenty of people here to offer support. 

[RichXTuta]

6 minutes ago, Antonin said:

Being able to put GamStop in place shows that you have strength to say that's enough. 

Even though you've been gambling during this GamStop period, at the end, this has been benefical and that what matters most.

I'm glad that you are now in peace with it all. 

If you ever need support and stuff, you know there's always someone to talk to you on here. 

Thank you for sharing. Good luck!

--------

Ps: Is that a possibility that you renew your gamstop period ?

Thanks for your kind words mate

It's always possible to put it on again if I felt I got out of control, but I feel a sense of peace in a way I haven't felt for a long time. The biggest difference for me is the sense of acceptance of what I am doing, I never saw gambling as a game I was more likely to win in, but the difficulty I had was in the inability to accept the losses, and so things would continue to spiral. Now I have a mental track of what money I could afford to lose, and that the decisions I make are based on that budget.

[RichXTuta]

Just now, Jok3st3r said:

Hi @RichXTuta

Thanks for sharing your story.

Reading your story makes me think you are probably not ready to remove your Gamstop ban. I say this because you have managed to satisfy you gambling urges with the help of your friend and the high street bookies so you haven't really put your willpower to the test. 

I do hope I'm wrong and you can answer your questions in a positive way and it works out for you.

Good luck moving forward and there are plenty of people here to offer support. 

Thanks Jok3st3r - I can understand why you would say that, but it's been a solid three months without gambling of any kind, shape or form now, and that was the peace I needed to come to terms with what I had been doing previously. I can only say that my mind is in a different place, but I am always willing to take whatever measures are necessary if I found that I lost control of what I was doing again.

Thanks for your kind words.

[Jok3st3r]

3 minutes ago, RichXTuta said:

Thanks Jok3st3r - I can understand why you would say that, but it's been a solid three months without gambling of any kind, shape or form now, and that was the peace I needed to come to terms with what I had been doing previously. I can only say that my mind is in a different place, but I am always willing to take whatever measures are necessary if I found that I lost control of what I was doing again.

Thanks for your kind words.

An obvious point to make but I will anyway.

The last three months probably has to be the easiest 3 months for anyone on Gamstop, no bookies, no sport, no online (apart from the dodgy ones)

Could be a help, in the way people give up smoking when they been diagnosed with a terrible illness (bad analogy, first I thought if lol) or no help at all because once able to gamble again it may just present urges out of your control. (Bit extreme I know, just trying to make a point) 

I truly hope you are in right mind set, you certainly sound like you are.

[RichXTuta]

1 minute ago, Jok3st3r said:

An obvious point to make but I will anyway.

The last three months probably has to be the easiest 3 months for anyone on Gamstop, no bookies, no sport, no online (apart from the dodgy ones)

Could be a help, in the way people give up smoking when they been diagnosed with a terrible illness (bad analogy, first I thought if lol) or no help at all because once able to gamble again it may just present urges out of your control. (Bit extreme I know, just trying to make a point) 

I truly hope you are in right mind set, you certainly sound like you are.

Bizarrely when things reached the lockdown stage it was almost like some kind of silence in the world for me, I used to obsess over the sports betting side of things - plotting and planning and whatnot, and when I was in a position where it was absolutely impossible for me to be involved, it was strange, I've always found great fun in that side of things, but the break definitely helped me overall.

That's a fair point - it will be interesting to see how things go - as it stands I'm in no rush and it's a bit like a 'woah, I'm going to be allowed to log in online'?? It will be unusual and I will have to see how I feel. I will appreciate the idea that in the same way as when a person reaches the legal age of something they receive the right to make their own adult decisions, and this is one which will be re-bestowed upon me in a way, at least legitimately on my own - I think that gives me some sense of recovery and validation. (Of course I would never say that's right for everyone depending on their own mindset)

[Antonin]

I kind of share the same feeling as Jok3r. 

As ex-addict, all the good resolutions goes down the drain when we are gambling and you know that mate. 

As soon you will be able to gamble without any blocks you'll be tempted to test the waters.

If you don't want to quit that could problem because if you don't control yourself it can go wrong very quickly.

Of course, everyone's diffent as some people can handle gambling by setting limits succefully because they have changed their mindset. That may be your case.

As you just say. It will be interesting to see how the things will go... 

Keep us posted!

[RichXTuta]

Just now, Antonin said:

I kind of share the same feeling as Jok3r. 

As ex-addict, all the good resolutions goes down the drain when we are gambling and you know that mate. 

As soon you will be able to gamble without any blocks you'll be tempted to test the waters.

If you don't want to quit that could problem because if you don't control yourself it can go wrong very quickly.

Of course, everyone's diffent as some people can handle gambling by setting limits succefully because they have changed their mindset. That may be your case.

As you just say. It will be interesting to see how the things will go... 

Keep us posted!

Yeah I definitely have that in mind - it will be unusual, but I would genuinely be shocked if I suddenly totally reverted back, but there is always the possibility of going back on GamStop or using other responsible gambling tools. I think even at my absolute worst points I would pause after something significant had happened, and it would really shock me if without warning I suddenly plumbed the depths - I'm 100% confident at least that wouldn't happen.

[Antonin]

13 minutes ago, RichXTuta said:

Yeah I definitely have that in mind - it will be unusual, but I would genuinely be shocked if I suddenly totally reverted back, but there is always the possibility of going back on GamStop or using other responsible gambling tools. I think even at my absolute worst points I would pause after something significant had happened, and it would really shock me if without warning I suddenly plumbed the depths - I'm 100% confident at least that wouldn't happen.

Fair enough. If I was you I would extend the GamStop one hundred pourcent but that's your choice and I respect it.

As you, gambling was a powerful drug to me. 

I didn't know it was possible not to gamble. I'd love to gamble but I can't do it. 

Even now, I'd love to place bets on roulette but unfortunately I can't because I'm an compulsive gambler who can't control himself.

I wish you a very best of luck with your gambling and whatever it happen come back to us sharing a bit more of it all.

Edited June 10, 2020 by Antonin

[david1111]

@RichXTuta thanks for sharing your story.

The first thing that resonated with me was that you said you were in lifetime profit and haven't gambled beyond your means.

That's not the usual MO for a compulsive gambler, but I don't want to second guess how you feel.

Both myself and Antonin are ex gamblers so we understand and would say that the early days of not gambling are the worst and when you have the biggest urges. A year on the urges pass and for me doesn't particularly pray on my mind anymore.

You seem to have an element of control and know when to stop which is essential for any gambler.

Obviously take a lot of thought as to how you continue and would be good to hear more from you on the forum

[RichXTuta]

2 minutes ago, david1111 said:

@RichXTuta thanks for sharing your story.

The first thing that resonated with me was that you said you were in lifetime profit and haven't gambled beyond your means.

That's not the usual MO for a compulsive gambler, but I don't want to second guess how you feel.

Both myself and Antonin are ex gamblers so we understand and would say that the early days of not gambling are the worst and when you have the biggest urges. A year on the urges pass and for me doesn't particularly pray on my mind anymore.

You seem to have an element of control and know when to stop which is essential for any gambler.

Obviously take a lot of thought as to how you continue and would be good to hear more from you on the forum

Happy to do so dude, congrats on staying gamble free.

Yeah personally I've found that time is a great healer, and perhaps the virus and lockdown were the final piece of the puzzle I needed. As I wrote up there, for a very long time I was virtually not into gambling in a big way at all, for years and years on end, even when I really got into the sports betting it was very low stakes, and it only escalated in the last 6-12 months, before I knew I had to step away.

The control is definitely something which recent times has given me, and a sense of peace which I sorely lacked.

I'll try to dude - just I only really want to post on something if I feel I have anything particularly of interest to add haha, which a lot of times I don't - but thanks.

[Jok3st3r]

@RichXTuta in all fairness it sounds like you know exactly where your at and how to control it.

It's good to have this thread, keep you motivated and remind you of the not so great moments, not that you would forget about them. Sometimes it's more real when it written down, if that makes sense

[RichXTuta]

1 minute ago, Jok3st3r said:

@RichXTuta in all fairness it sounds like you know exactly where your at and how to control it.

It's good to have this thread, keep you motivated and remind you of the not so great moments, not that you would forget about them. Sometimes it's more real when it written down, if that makes sense

Yeah and the thing was that even 6 months into my ban - I wouldn't say I had made any personal progress whatsoever, I saw it as an irritation to slow me down rather than actually change my mindset and start moving on. If I was like I felt then, I would never have had the balls to admit the things that I went through during that time.

Yeah I will do - it will be interesting to see what I actually do when I get the ban lifted, I can't say I'm particularly jumping or dying to play anything, it honestly feels weird the idea of even pressing a deposit button these days, but I know the money I can possibly spend (not that obviously you ever sit there and say - yeah that'll be what I'll piss away), so I'll have to manage my budget accordingly.

[Guest]

On 10/06/2020 at 15:42, RichXTuta said:

Yeah and the thing was that even 6 months into my ban - I wouldn't say I had made any personal progress whatsoever, I saw it as an irritation to slow me down rather than actually change my mindset and start moving on. If I was like I felt then, I would never have had the balls to admit the things that I went through during that time.

Yeah I will do - it will be interesting to see what I actually do when I get the ban lifted, I can't say I'm particularly jumping or dying to play anything, it honestly feels weird the idea of even pressing a deposit button these days, but I know the money I can possibly spend (not that obviously you ever sit there and say - yeah that'll be what I'll piss away), so I'll have to manage my budget accordingly.

When choice is taken away we look inside for some inner peace and conclusion, it is how the mind functions. Acceptance.

Just be extra careful that when your exclusion period ends why you reached that point to begin with.

If you return to gambling can you trust yourself?

Keep all this in mind and as the end of that exclusion draws near... Stop and think.

 

 

Edited June 17, 2020 by Guest

[RichXTuta]

@Cheryl T It's been interesting to say the least! I'm getting on OK - it's a lot to be getting used to again.

[Jok3st3r]

@RichXTuta did you decide to remove your Gamstop?

[Solario333]

@RichXTuta Ok I have read the whole thread.

Your story is unusual ......for not many gamblers have the restraint to marginalise loss over such a long period . However I urge CAUTION>>>> for you are in perilous waters now ....

1. You still want to gamble.

2 You have circumvented your original decision with a friends assistance.

3. You erroneously believe you can take it or leave it..... 

Without the lockdown you would have been in real trouble and now it is only your honesty that may save you from complete surrender to your inner voice that wants to resume risk at all costs. 

YOU MUST NOT RESCIND GAMSTOP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES !!!!!

please take this advice ,I am not in ant way critical of your past history , but it streams control .....and that you believe you have it ......and I am telling you ---- YOU DONT !!!

 

[RichXTuta]

Guys - yeah, I did - it's been fine so far. I'll let you know if anything major happens.

[Masquerade]

If your Gamstop ends, like mine did, and you try to re-enroll, I got pushed to phoning people to discuss.......... ?? It was an "Ah - you've been with us before.........." They didn't reinstate any ban. 

Is that normal to anyone else ?