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I've been deliberating over writing a thread on here for the last few weeks. I messaged someone on here a week or so ago about it and they encouraged me to give it a go. I've realised I need something that'll give me a reality check when I've got the degenerate itch to go nuts. Over the last 3 months my online slots gambling has gone from depositing a few hundred a month and playing 60p - £1 spins to depositing £30k a month and playing £5 - £50 spins. By the end of January I was £60k down. February I decided enough was enough and used gamban to stop the temptation. I was doing well with not gambling until last night when visiting a friend he suggested we go halves on a £5k deposit online. Luckily it was a great session and after a monster hit on Magic Mirror and a few good spins on roulette we ended up withdrawing £78k. Initially I felt great, I'd gone from being down £60k to only a little over £20k down, but this morning I've started to feel ashamed at myself for gambling again. I gamble because it helps me escape the real world and my feelings, I've probably never really dealt with my wife passing away, it happened so fast over the space of 6 months, you never really expect someone in their 30's to get so ill and and die. I put so much effort into caring for our son who was 4 when she passed that I neglected to deal with my own issues. I'm going to look into trying to help myself come to terms with everything so I don't feel the need to escape into pure degeneracy, realised I'm just replacing one sadness with another one. I want to eventually get back to the point where I can do what I've done for years, deposit the odd few hundred a month, have some fun and not be bothered if I lose. Hopefully I can come back to this thread in 6 months time and feel a lot different about life and gambling. Thanks for reading.

I wasn't going to post this but changed my mind. @ColourMeUp when i was 18 me and my brother 21 at the time decided to go abroad and work in Spain ( majorca). We had previously worked together and did practically everything together. He was my soul mate my best friend and my hero. He was an absolute party animal degenerate gambler did naughty things going out clubbing ( sure you can guess) and was a total ladies man. I was over the moon. 18 years old working abroad with my brother. A month into been in Spain he went out to maguluf with 3 mates which was the other side of the island. On the way home there was an accident and himself and the driver sadly died. The 2 in the back both survived. I returned home alone and his body was flown back 2 weeks later. At his funeral there were over 500 people as he was so popular. Everyone loved him and wanted to know him. I returned to Spain a month later and stayed for over 2 years before finally settling in England. The months and years that followed after that fateful night i changed. I just wanted to be like him. I drank heavily on nights out took drugs partied as much as possible and gambled completely over the top. The drugs stopped first ( over 20 years ago) the drinking calmed down ( about 10 years ago) the gambling remained. Everything he did he did to the extreme so i wanted to do the same. 4 figure bets max number on roulette and pie gambles from a quid to 500. Last June i finally stopped online gambling slots and bookies. It was time to finally stop and face the facts i can't do it anymore. It does get easier with time and the feeling of losing someone at such a young age never goes away but becomes possible to live with. I'm certainly not comparing myself to your situation or saying it's the same thing. I just thought sharing this story may help you in the coming months.

Really feeling for you Son. To lose your wife at such a young age must be total heartache for you. Please don’t look at gambling as a way of pushing your emotions to the back of your mind. You have an option with Gamstop to ban yourself for certain periods of time, maybe consider this and give yourself time to gather your thoughts. Time is a great healer my dear friend, life will pick up for you down the line. You sound like a young man who is just a bit all over the place at the moment, that’s entirely understandable. Please take into consideration the level of money your playing with lad, you could ruin yourself if you keep up at this level. Much love. Blacko

As always can't add to what has already been said. Fantastic bunch of people here who's knowledge, experience and support is second to none.

@ColourMeUp so sorry to read what you have gone through. Addiction, depression, stupidity. They go hand in hand and I've had them all. Great thing is you've opened up and we will talk and listen whenever you need us. I had to stop gambling as I couldn't control it so finally admitted to myself enough was enough. Hopefully you have come to the same conclusion. Great idea from Adam about doing an isa for your son. Keep posting with your progress anytime and feel free to PM me anytime if you prefer

We all come to this life with expectations of success, a good marriage , a bright future .....and then reality gives us a tragedy . It is a very difficult hurdle to overcome . The logic of Gambling gives us an escape from inner torment , just temporarily . For the love we have lost may never be as hard to bear as in those moments that saturate us in grief. So we move forward , hoping for the strength to carry on , and the madness of Gambling blunts the grief with other weights to carry , our perspective has changed and we now realise that we must trust ourselves enough to live without fear , anger, torment, loss , grief , and expectations.....and that greed is not the answer. The answer aways was and always is LOVE ..... in people , in friends , in family , and in your case the son you cherish ...... So Rest easy and live your truth by letting go of turmoil and find laughter form the happiness you give to your child , and make the future a better place , despite the past history of Loss. For Loss is just a stepping stone to a new day , a new love in your life , not replacing the old , but enhancing the day , by giving to others you receive the gratitude and Happiness you truly need .

I think we all have some form of escapism but unfortunately for you yours is playing slots. There's no point punishing yourself on what you've done in the past as it's called "the past for a reason". I guess the biggest step now is trying to find something that going to fill playing slots. Maybe start a new hobby or pick something other than slots that you enjoy and focus on that. I'm truly sorry about the loss of your wife that's absolutely heart breaking and I guess people deal with a loss in many different ways but it's nice to see you've spoke out about it. Please done sit alone we are all here for you. I for one am I around 24/7 so please if your feeling lonely don't. Just hit the message button and I'll be there. Stay strong and remember we are all here to support you. Much love Xx

Thanks Blacko, it's people like you on here who cheer me up, winning yours and Adams competition the other week really put a smile on my face, especially after receiving my mug and Kim Jong Un piggy bank

I'm glad you decided to post as many on here will offer advice or a shoulder to cry on, I would agree with everything that @Blacko had said, have you ever had councilling for your terrible loss of your Wife? I guess a way I would look at it is when you have access to large sums of money lock some away in a Child ISA etc for your son's future, this will not only stop you spending it, but when he is older it will help him no end. Again well done for being brave and posting about this. Keep the thread going however bad or good you are re the Gambling and loads will help I'm sure. You know where we all are and after all I'm just literally down the road from you and I'm always happy to meet up and help in anyway I can. Adam

Hi @ColourMeUp so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine how awful it must be to lose your partner in those circumstances. Many other wise TGC members in the thread have already put some excellent comments, so I will not try to repeat them. Your story is relatable to me, and I fully understand about gambling being a form of escape, as a result of grieving. I have chosen not to mention this on the forum before, but I too suffered the loss of my dad a year ago, almost to the day. He was diagnosed with cancer, and died literally a month later in hospital. He had no symptoms whatever, except for a 'bit of back ache'. Was just awful. I have seen and heard things whilst he was in hospital that I wouldn't wish on absolutely anyone, and it has been a turbulent year to say the least. I found myself in the last year spending more and more time gambling in the evenings. As I recently posted I have chosen to go on a gambling break for a while. Have not set any timescales or anything like that. It's still very early days (only now 4th day!) however I already feel better for making the choice. Please feel free to PM me if you want to have a chat about anything mate. Maybe we can set a joint challenge to go 6 months gamble free or something like that. Take care mate.

Millwall V Birmingham Birmingham are unbeaten since New years Day so Birmingham +1 you will not get rich but I feel it is Nap material

Hi @ColourMeUp I am sorry to hear about your sad loss. I think a lot of us get some sort of trigger to gamble whether it is being a little down or cheesed off with things and then resort to having a gamble and this can be even harder if you are trying to deal with a bereavement. It is good that you have won a few pounds back and reduced the losses from recent times even though you seem to be betting within your means and taken steps to stop yourself from gambling as you obviously do not feel comfortable gambling at these levels. As suggested above I suggest you take steps to talk things out with a counsellor as seems that you have understandably not yet come to terms with your loss. Hope you come back to this thread in 6 months and find yourself in a happier place

That's the thing mate everyone is different. The first probably 4 months after is a blur to me. I can hardly remember anything. As times goes by though birthdays anniversaries and your day to day living does get easier. Looking back now i can honestly say I'm not bitter and I'm just thankful for the 18 years i knew him. I'm not sad writing these posts like some people might think by reading them. I can honestly write and talk about the past comfortably now.

Done this little one for tonight while watching the games.

Aha safes I know a bit about them, you have to make sure you get an insurance rated one and installed and get a certificate otherwise your insurance company won't pay out. For example you get all sorts of safes for all sorts of cash values and valuables, don't be putting 20k in a 6k rated safe as they simply won't pay out if the worst happens. Also you need to tell you insurance company before you even do it as some don't like the idea at all. Any help let me know. Glad to see your lad all sorted for the future

:))) Let me update it :)) Maybe will be better now

Yes, he gave me £25 which I ended up donating to a suicide awareness charity.

Had to get my magnifying glass out to read that one mate.

The worst thing a gambler can do is when it stops becoming about the win and it stops becoming about being aware of the losses and simply becomes about those moments when spins on slots or roulette that while in motion could be anything and it does become more about spinning away as an escape from reality rather than any notion of winning or losing. It's a hard mindset to get out of and an easy one to slip back into if you take a knock. The best way I have found it to tie up your disposable income so it is not so easy to dispose of. Good luck getting back on track.

@ColourMeUp what a heart felt honest post mate. We all deal with the loss of a loved one differently. There is no right or wrong way to go about it and i know people say it but time really is a great healer. The people on here have given some great advice as usual so it's quite difficult to add some new to help. The only thing i can do is wish you the best and please be careful with your deposits.

Thanks Adam, never had councilling, something I'm actively looking into at the moment. Son has a bank account with the contents of his Mums money and her life insurance money that can't be accessed till he's 25, so he's sorted. Thinking of buying a safe and storing money in it, that way it can't be deposited online, as you know there's only 1 casino around here and it's so bad I never bother to go there anyway so don't have to worry about that. Although I have contacted my bank and they've frozen all online gambling transactions so that should be that problem solved!

"Paw" condition 50p Sorry Uncirculated about £1.50 - £2.00

and Sunjae Im @philinvicta he's the biggest talent of them all imo. Covering 4 events this week Honda, Oman, Korn Ferry and New Zealand £14 in SINGLES (NZ) £1.20 Will Heffernan 1000/1 6pl BF 30p B. Follett Smith 600/1 5pl 365 30p (these two finished first and second in Asian tour qualifying last weekend, so must be worth a speccy bet having shown some form) TOP 10 DOUBLES/TREBLES £5 M. NeSmith 15/2, K. Kitayama 8/1 (HON) W/ S.Horsfield 13/2, D. Burmester 5/1 (OMAN) W/ S. Vazquez 14/1, Mito Pereira 3/1(KF) 25p L. Westwood 7/1, J. Vegas 8/1 (HON) W/ A. Wu 8/1, R. Sciot Siegrist 12/1 (OMAN) W/ G.Sigg 11/4, D. Kocher 11/1(KF) 20p G. Murray 25/1, J. Teater 20/1(HON) W/ S. Valumaki 22/1, W. Nienaber 14/1(OMAN) 25p M. NeSmith 8/1 W/ R. Sciot-Seigrist 12/1 40p EW CROSS DOUBLES/TREBLES (6.20) S. Vazquez 150/1 (KF), D. Hillier 100/1(NZ) W/ R. Sciot-Seigrist 125/1, J. Lagergren 175/1 (OMAN) 20pew (1.60) M. NeSmith 80/1 (HON) W/ RT Lee 125/1 (NZ), G. Coetzee 50/1 (OMAN) W/ B. Langer (CC) 25p (1.00) G. Woodland 20/1 (HON), G. Green (OMAN) 28/1, A. Hall 150/1 (NZ) 10p (0.20) G. Woodland 20/1 (HON), S. Horsfield 66/1 (OMAN), B. Kennedy 14/1 (NZ) 25p (0.5) D. Berger 30/1 (HON), B. Hebert (OMAN) 45/1, B. Kennedy 14/1 (NZ) 25p (0.50) B. Horschel 33/1 (HON), D. Burmester (OMAN) 50/1, B. Kennedy 14/1 (NZ) 30p (0.6) D. Berger 30/1 (HON), MW Lee 25/1 (OMAN), D. Hillier 100/1 (NZ) 15p (0.2) K. Kitayama 80/1 (HON), R. Sciot Seigrist 125/1 (OMAN), B. Kennedy 14/1 (NZ)10p (0.2) C. Conners 66/1 (HON), C. Sordet 80/1 (OMAN), R.Fox 11/1 20p (0.4) R. Fowler 14/1 (HON), G. Coetzee 45/1 (OMAN), A. Quayle 18/1 (NZ) 25pew (0.5) B. Horschel 33/1 (HON), G. Coetzee 45/1 (OMAN), R. Fox (NZ), R. Diaz 20/1(KF)...the Quad! haha 25pew (0.50) SAVERS 1.60 R. Rowler 14/1, B. Horschel 33/1 W/ G. Coetzee 45/1, T. Pieters 12/1 W/ S. Stricker 13/2, B. Langer 11/1(CC Seniors) 10p D. Berger 28/1, T. Fleetwood 12/1 W/ G. Green 28/1, D. Burmester 45/1 W/ R. Fox 11/1 (NZ), S. Stricker 13/2 (CC) 10p

1.  PSV Vs Feyenoord (for Mikey) first KO is 1.30pm SUNDAY 2. Everton Vs Man Utd 3. Spurs Vs Wolves 4. Ajax Vs AZ Alkmaar 5. Real Madrid Vs Barcelona  GROUP A Stone 1-1, 3-2, 0-0, 2-1 , 1-1 vs Blampy Frosty vs Solario  GROUP B Triggered 2-1, 1-2 , 1-1, 3-0, 1-1 vs 4houghts 1-3, 1-3, 1-3, 2-2, 2-1 Jollyman vs Player1173   GROUP C RocknRolla vs Villalad Roger 1-0, 2-2, 1-1, 3-0, 2-1 vs Hackz    GROUP D CR Meeow 2-2, 2-3, 2-0, 4-0, 2-2 vs Slots4Fun Finbastard 2-1, 1-2, 1-1, 3-1, 3-2 vs 1pstaker   GROUP E  Adam 2-1, 1-3, 1-0, 2-1, 1-0 vs RB91 Curious Cow 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 3-1, 1-3 vs David 2-0, 2-1, 2-0, 1-0, 0-0  GROUP F  Hacko vs Dave 3-2,1-2,1-2,3-1 ,1-3 Fredthedog 3-1,1-2,2-2,1-1,1-3 vs TRWSoldier  GROUP G Kev 2-1 2-1 1-2 2-0 2-0  vs Crunchie Mad slasher vs Peter   GROUP H  Jokester vs Bilko 1-1, 1-2, 1-0, 2-0, 1-2 Richie vs Mikey

Which translated means RIGGED!!!!

Well after I had to work out how to play it I must say you are indeed good at tossing For me @stone was the best on style @Blacko effort was well just hillarous and well done, this brings us onto @MrUKHackz and @Rocknrolla very hard to choose a winning TGC Biggest Tosser winner. After much consideration i have decided.................. As much as I hate to type it for sheer one handed tossing in with a late entry (I thought he had forgotten) I am pleased to announce the winner is ...... @Rocknrolla who is without doubt the biggest tosser on TGC and a worthwhile winner. I have a very special prize lined up Paul I'm just putting the finishing touches to it so I will be be in touch And once you receive it i expect to see it on stream!!!!!! Thanks for the many that took the effort (Bloody 4) as comps go it wasn't my finest hour it seems Or maybe the biggest tossers were those that couldn't be bothered to enter I have a few of these themed comps in my mind for the year ahead.........

Nice!

On this and Mount Wellington

Money is all relative, I was lucky enough to make a lot of it in my 20's. But sure, it's not fun losing that amount of money however much or little you have, you're right though, just covering deeper mental scars that I haven't wanted to face.

1.  PSV Vs Feyenoord (for Mikey) first KO is 1.30pm SUNDAY 2. Everton Vs Man Utd 3. Spurs Vs Wolves 4. Ajax Vs AZ Alkmaar 5. Real Madrid Vs Barcelona GROUP A Stone 1-1, 3-2, 0-0, 2-1 , 1-1 vs Blampy Frosty vs Solario  GROUP B Triggered vs 4houghts 1-3, 1-3, 1-3, 2-2, 2-1 Jollyman vs Player1173   GROUP C RocknRolla vs Villalad Roger 1-0, 2-2, 1-1, 3-0, 2-1 vs Hackz   GROUP D CR Meeow 2-2, 2-3, 2-0, 4-0, 2-2 vs Slots4Fun Finbastard 2-1, 1-2, 1-1, 3-1, 3-2 vs 1pstaker  GROUP E Adam 2-1, 1-3, 1-0, 2-1, 1-0 vs RB91 Curious Cow vs David 2-0, 2-1, 2-0, 1-0, 0-0 GROUP F Hacko vs Dave 3-2,1-2,1-2,3-1 ,1-3 Fredthedog 3-1,1-2,2-2,1-1,1-3 vs TRWSoldier  GROUP G Kev 2-1 2-1 1-2 2-0 2-0  vs Crunchie Mad slasher vs Peter  GROUP H Jokester vs Bilko 1-1, 1-2, 1-0, 2-0, 1-2 Richie vs Mikey

1. PSV Vs Feyenoord (for Mikey) first KO is 1.30pm 2. Everton Vs Man Utd 3. Spurs Vs Wolves 4. Juventus Vs Inter Milan 5. Real Madrid Vs Barcelona GROUP E Adam vs RB91 Curious Cow vs David 2-0, 2-1, 2-0, 1-0, 0-0

Thought you were robbed mate tbh!

Who had Songo? Anybody? Oh just me!

Thats for putting the light back on Rob @slots4fun777 I can see now lol

Life can be a bitch, my deepest symapathies @ColourMeUp. I can only concur with what the other guys have said.... Best thing you done was to start this thread. Much love have you had a special Adam prize too???

It's amazing how you can lose the value of money. It's only in the cold light of day when you realise shit what have I done!

Thanks mate, sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer. I'll send you a pm at some point this week, I relate to everything you say, sorry, not got time for a proper reply, need to sort my son and the dog out!

Great post @ColourMeUp Some of us have yet too over come this great sadness Since we are on a gambling forum This is more likely the way half of us will be heading Would be great if you continued this with updates Of what you find to replace the slots gambling etc Something that has brought tears to some of are eyes

Dunno which one you’re on about but we’ll in

Your word is my bond or something like that!

And you know what I would do as we have spoke about it buy Sovereigns Far better to have loads of them than money at hand in my opinion.

My thoughts on Southwell today: 2.05 - Gorgeous General - Up 2 for last win but 5lb claimer on board. Beat Puchita that won a couple days ago. Final Legacy will be 1lb above its last winning mark with the claim taken off. Big danger. 2.35 - Tigray - Only up 3 for last win at Southwell. Brooklyn Boy massive favourite but up 21 to 75 when last won at Southwell was off 54. Will be a serious horse to win off that deficit. 3.05 - Liamba - Up 1 in comparison for its last win in January. I like Split Down South but finish 2nd in its last race at Southwell off 62 and now up to 81. Big ask. Private Matter finished 2nd in a class 4 off 74 so only up 1. Big threat stepping back in class. 3.35 - Raydiance - Won last race at Southwell which was a class 3. Only two horses ran in class 3 or above. Raydiance up 2 for the win but has a 3lb claimer on so had a good shout. Like Zylan to chase home. 4.05 - Queen of All - Won last time out at Kempton and has a 7lb claimer on. Class 6 though and stepping up to class 4. I like Royal Astronomer but no claimer on board, 2nd in a class 4 last time out and Atzeni is a bonus. Think the 7lb makes the difference though. 4.35 - Light Lily - Up 6 for the win at Southwell but claimer takes of 3. Speed Dating is 1 lower than its 2nd place in last run at Southwell and Never Say Nothing finishes 2nd last time and is 1 lower with the claimer. A tough race. Any of those 3 could win. I like Rooke though so going with the fave.

1.  PSV Vs Feyenoord (for Mikey) first KO is 1.30pm SUNDAY 2. Everton Vs Man Utd 3. Spurs Vs Wolves 4. Ajax Vs AZ Alkmaar 5. Real Madrid Vs Barcelona GROUP A Stone 1-1, 3-2, 0-0, 2-1 , 1-1 vs Blampy Frosty vs Solario  GROUP B Triggered vs 4houghts Jollyman vs Player1173   GROUP C RocknRolla vs Villalad Roger 1-0, 2-2, 1-1, 3-0, 2-1 vs Hackz   GROUP D CR Meeow 2-2, 2-3, 2-0, 4-0, 2-2 vs Slots4Fun Finbastard 2-1, 1-2, 1-1, 3-1, 3-2 vs 1pstaker  GROUP E Adam 2-1, 1-3, 1-0, 2-1, 1-0 vs RB91 Curious Cow vs David 2-0, 2-1, 2-0, 1-0, 0-0 GROUP F Hacko vs Dave 3-2,1-2,1-2,3-1 ,1-3 Fredthedog 3-1,1-2,2-2,1-1,1-3 vs TRWSoldier  GROUP G Kev 2-1 2-1 1-2 2-0 2-0  vs Crunchie Mad slasher vs Peter  GROUP H Jokester vs Bilko 1-1, 1-2, 1-0, 2-0, 1-2 Richie vs Mikey

1.  PSV Vs Feyenoord (for Mikey) first KO is 1.30pm SUNDAY 2. Everton Vs Man Utd 3. Spurs Vs Wolves 4. Ajax Vs AZ Alkmaar 5. Real Madrid Vs Barcelona  GROUP A Stone 1-1, 3-2, 0-0, 2-1 , 1-1 vs Blampy Frosty vs Solario  GROUP B Triggered vs 4houghts Jollyman vs Player1173   GROUP C RocknRolla vs Villalad Roger 1-0, 2-2, 1-1, 3-0, 2-1 vs Hackz   GROUP D CR Meeow vs Slots4Fun Finbastard 2-1, 1-2, 1-1, 3-1, 3-2 vs 1pstaker  GROUP E Adam 2-1, 1-3, 1-0, 2-1, 1-0 vs RB91 Curious Cow vs David 2-0, 2-1, 2-0, 1-0, 0-0 GROUP F Hacko vs Dave 3-2,1-2,1-2,3-1 ,1-3 Fredthedog 3-1,1-2,2-2,1-1,1-3 vs TRWSoldier  GROUP G Kev 2-1 2-1 1-2 2-0 2-0  vs Crunchie Mad slasher vs Peter  GROUP H Jokester vs Bilko 1-1, 1-2, 1-0, 2-0, 1-2 Richie vs Mikey

1. PSV Vs Feyenoord (for Mikey) first KO is 1.30pm SUNDAY 2. Everton Vs Man Utd 3. Spurs Vs Wolves 4. Ajax Vs AZ Alkmaar 5. Real Madrid Vs Barcelona GROUP A Stone 1-1, 3-2, 0-0, 2-1 , 1-1 vs Blampy Frosty vs Solario GROUP B Triggered vs 4houghts Jollyman vs Player1173  GROUP C RocknRolla vs Villalad Roger 1-0, 2-2, 1-1, 3-0, 2-1 vs Hackz GROUP D CR Meeow vs Slots4Fun Finbastard 2-1, 1-2, 1-1, 3-1, 3-2 vs 1pstaker GROUP E Adam 2-1, 1-3, 1-0, 2-1, 1-0 vs RB91 Curious Cow vs David 2-0, 2-1, 2-0, 1-0, 0-0 GROUP F Hacko vs Dave 3-2,1-2,1-2,3-1 ,1-3 Fredthedog vs TRWSoldier  GROUP G Kev vs Crunchie Mad slasher vs Peter GROUP H Jokester vs Bilko 1-1, 1-2, 1-0, 2-0, 1-2 Richie vs Mikey